Steps to Getting Teenagers Online Safely
By Danni Brayer
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| Classroom, 2014 | Artwork by Vik Muniz | Photo by Danni Brayer |
Now that kids are using electric devices at younger ages, a set of child safety guidelines should accompany it to help protect them and their future.
If a device has Internet access, please take the time – and yes it takes some time – to set up parental controls for any child under the age of 13. This allows you to ‘control’ what websites, apps, games, and videos they can use/see while on the device. However, this doesn’t mean let the child use the device without parental supervision. Children are savvy with electronics, they’ll figure out a way around the parental safeguards in a heartbeat. An Internet device and a child always need supervision.
At the age of 13, the ‘new’ teenager should be allowed some ‘freedom’ on the Internet. Before you stop reading, hear me out on why this is important. This ‘new’ teenager needs to begin to learn the responsibility of his/her digital footprint on the Internet while they are under your guidance and protection. They need you to coach them in the ‘right way’ to behave online. Here are some recommended steps to ‘freedom’ with a few hows and whys:
Step 1: Personal Email – For the ‘new’ teenagers 13 birthday, set up special email for him/her as a birthday present. I recommend first initial and last name on G-Mail (like - jdoe@gmail.com); never use their birthdate or their full legal name in an email (never timothyjohndoe2011@gmail.com) this can open them up to identity fraud. When you create the account, you have the username, the password, and access to the account. When ‘gifting’ this email address – it’s not one the school has given – make it understood that this account is for them and only them, but you reserve the right to ‘check it’ from time to time and the password isn’t to be changed without you doing it together.
Step 2: Internet Education – Have a discussion about the Internet, the pros/cons, and the way it will/can affect their future.
Internet: Brief history, all of the resources that are out there on it, why it is called the World Wide Web, the Internet is a place just like your house or your city, how it comes into your home, who pays for it (you), etc. Model good online research to help them learn about the Internet. A good place to begin is the Computer History Museum website (http://www.computerhistory.org/).
Pros/Cons: Internet Pros – Discuss the unlimited amount of information at their fingertips, the ability to talk with friends who live far away, all the cool stories about others and the neat things they do, the games they can find and play, etc.
Internet Cons – Discuss how the endless amount of information can put them at risk, the ability to talk to complete strangers and how stranger danger applies for the Internet too, how sometimes it’s difficult to figuring out the true stories from the fake stories on the Internet – discuss fact finding websites like Snopes (http://www.snopes.com/), etc.
Internet Cons – Discuss how the endless amount of information can put them at risk, the ability to talk to complete strangers and how stranger danger applies for the Internet too, how sometimes it’s difficult to figuring out the true stories from the fake stories on the Internet – discuss fact finding websites like Snopes (http://www.snopes.com/), etc.
Future: Discuss their digital footprint on the Internet and that it begins the moment they enter the electronic world, not when they’re an adult. Define digital footprint for them – it is a recorded information or ‘footprint’ of all the places, post, pictures, etc. that one has placed on the Internet. Help them understand the things that they post, publish, code, and write will follow them for the rest of their life. It can affect everything from a college's admittance, a future employer, or a future mate. It all begins the moment their activity begins online, on the Internet, and some of it is archived forever in the Library of Congress (http://www.businessinsider.com/library-of-congress-is-archiving-all-of-americas-tweets-2013-1) for future generations to see and examine.
Step 3: Netiquette – Have the ‘new’ teenager share their email address with grandmas, grandpas, cousins, and a few friends. You, as the parent, should begin sending emails to your son/daughter along with things for them to explore on the Internet. Help them with their Netiquette (online email etiquette or how to communicate properly online with others). I would suggest sending them things of interest to explore online that will provoke conversation and a reply like the newly discovered ancient Egyption find that is underwater (http://www.newstatesman.com/world/africa/2016/06/ancient-egypt-s-perfectly-preserved-underwater-cities-and-how-they-were) and have them research to see if it is true. Occasionally, monitor the email account. Praise the good behavior and the learning that is happening in the emails sent back and forth over the time frame. However gently discuss or respectfully reprimand flagrant violations of behavior too. After a few weeks of ‘good’ Internet behavior modeling, then and only then will it be time to introduce social media.
Step 4: Acceptable Behavior Online – Before setting up a social media account, establish guidelines for acceptable behavior online with your ‘new’ teenager, like:
- Only use positive speech to build others up.
- Use only intelligent language – so if grandma were to read something, it won’t give her a heart attack.
- Post only modest, tasteful images of yourself.
- Ask permission before posting pictures of others.
- Only ‘friend’ people you know in your daily circle of friends; refuse all others.
The above are suggestions, but do not create any more than five guidelines or the ‘new’ teenager won’t remember them and/or will find them difficult to follow. After these are established, discuss and create consequences for breaking one or more of the guidelines together. The teenager then knows the reason, upfront, why they are punished for their online actions. Usually, if the teen is involved with a parent in creating the guidelines and consequences they are less apt to violate them.
Step 5: Social Media – Talk with your ‘new’ teenager and discuss what social media interests them the most (Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr, Instagram, SnapChat, etc.). Pick only one to begin to explore in the social media world. Set up the social media account for your child using the personal email you set up for them. Establish the same rules for the social media account that applied to the email account – you have the username and password. The password can’t be changed without you doing it together. If not already a member of the chosen social media, join it. Next, invite your teen to connect with you and, likewise, your teen to you. As a parent, be very careful what you post, as not to embarrass them online – this is part of ‘your’ digital footprint too.
Monitor your child and their online behavior, but do not smother them. Complement them in person and have conversations about how they think it is going. Communication is key. Discuss and coach misguided behavior. Punish any guideline violation with preset action; follow through is important, but always do so lovingly and with additional coaching. Remember this is ‘new’ and so is this teenager ‘thing’ – they are still learning both. Reinforce that you are trusting them to make the right choices and to keep a positive digital footprint for their future.
Here are a few additional online resources for parents:
- Digital Life: Social media rules for teens by Steven Petrow, Special for USA TODAY on Feb. 21, 2015
- Parent’s Guide to Protecting Teens on Social Media by Safe Search Kids
